I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
