Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
