Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Randomize
