he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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