How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
