omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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