he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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