Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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