This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Your penis caused this!
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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