well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize