so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
