brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I will be naked everywhere
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
My penis needs a shock collar
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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