mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
im about as happy as oj after his trial
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
