absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
