she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize