Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize