white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
