if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
