I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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