I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i think i just lost a toe
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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