I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I'm too high and old for this...
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
