im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
