I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
