I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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