"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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