in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Randomize
