He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
