I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
