Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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