i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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