What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's not a foreskin expert like you
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
