his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
