Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
