just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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