guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
