If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize
