You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
