Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Randomize