I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
