You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize