we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I love you.
Bad choice
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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