I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
