You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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