My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
