i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
