I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Boobs speak an international language.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
