There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
