This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
