My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
