he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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