we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I have feelings that need drinking.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
