I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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