dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize