I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
