when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
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