I'm so fucking centered right now
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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