I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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