WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
