is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
