quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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