mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
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