That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
