who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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