i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Farmville is her only friend.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
