Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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