He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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