3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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