I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
