I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
