I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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