And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
