Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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