My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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