is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Come see our sink grown plant.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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