i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
That accounts for only three of the penises
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
