I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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