I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
