Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
